Ten Quirky Ways To Say I Love YOu
by Emmy Scribe Protra
Summary: After a chance incident on Tradeworld, Warp Darkmatter has to deal with a life changing event. Warp/Buzz. Mpreg.
1. Too Much Quirks

**Contains: Male pregnancy, nudity, both off and on screen sexual scenes, drugged sex, off the wall humor, melodramatic angst, alien biology, cussing, and snideness.**

**Pairing: Warp/Buzz**

**Part 1 of 10: Too Much Quirks**

Warp Darkmatter awoke to pain. From the waist down, was nothing but a throbbing mass of mindless *hurt*, rendering him unable to tell if he had any legs or not. His arms were weak as boiled noodles, his chest a giant bruise and warm with drying blood. The hangover had settled firmly at the base of his neck, all across his forehead and pulsed in his sinuses every time Warp breathed.

His mouth was a dry as the desert moon of Killawanna and tasted of that meatloaf from that one cafeteria from Star Command. The one that kept putting rangers into the medical bay from food poisoning and was used as a source of dares among cadets and rookies.

It took Warp a while to opened his crusted eyes. Even longer to keep them open from the lancing light of *pain*. Once he managed to keep them open and able to focus, he slowly curved to check if he had legs.

The good news was he had all his limbs. The bad news was that he was naked and so was Buzz Lightyear who was looking at him and about to have a breakdown.

It too far too long to get the saliva to choke out a request for water. As Lightyear proved he was still an asshole by apparently not being in any pain from the speed he went for the drink, Warp remembered what the hell had happened in the last hour.

Crater sucking Septians and their sex jells. Honestly, life was interesting enough but this was way too much to have to deal with. Especially if, oh craters, if that quirk of his body had back stabbed him with the worst possible person to do so with.

It took Lightyear helping him drink and several glasses of water before Warp could talk normally.

"Right. Lightyear, I can't feel my legs so let me lay down some ground rules right now before you arrest me."

He ignored Lightyear's attempt to interrupt and plowed on, "First point. You did not rape me. We both got hit with the crater loving sex jell so if anything, we just has rambunctious overly rough sex so pull yourself together and stop blubbering at me."

"I'm not blubbering. I'm dealing," Lightyear interjected, looking much more stable at Warp's caustic words.

"Yeah, yeah, and cover stories aren't lies."

"Exactly! I don't see why it is so-"

"Second point," Warp said harshly, "I'm still not coming back to Star Command so don't even think of asking."

Warp tightened his claw on Lightyear's arm when the ranger looked like he was about to talk. He waited for the space ranger to settle down again before continuing, "Third point, if you try and avoid and dodge therapy for this I will *shot you in the balls*. If you're anything like how I remember you're going to be telling yourself you aren't harmed or you deserve it or some other moronic hero stupidity you sell yourself and that _pisses me off."_

"You can arrest me now, Lightyear," Warp finished as he yawned widely, suddenly exhausted.

Lightyear's face still had warning undercurrents of imminent mental breakdown, but it wasn't as bad as when Warp first woke up.

Craters, Warp intended to find some one to get a mental check up himself after his body healed and he got out of prison. When you get badly hurt in a explosion you went to a doctor because your body was injured. When you and your ex-best friend got dosed with illegal sex jell and had sex you went to a doctor who specialized in the mind because that _kind of thing wounded _a person. Granted, not as bad as if he'd gotten raped but drugged out mindless sex wasn't the best thing to ever happen to a person. That was simple common sense which was why Lightyear would never think to do so. The lame twerp.

Actually, it was strange he didn't feel traumatized already, only exasperated. Eh, probably shock or something.

Warp took a great deal of vindictive glee in seeing Lightyear's rookie's faces when they finally barged in.

"XR, I require bandages, Mira, Booster, report."

The tin robot tossed Lightyear a roll of bandages and antiseptic and Warp watched as Lightyear started field dressing him. Princess saluted and said, eyes squeezed tightly shut, "XR managed to hose the jell off Booster and I before we did anything other then get out of our clothes. You had already gotten away by then and the drug dealers were running away while tossing the jars everywhere so we had to chase after and ah. You know. Hose down any afflicted victims."

"Which, let me tell you, kept getting reaaaal awkward at times," XR said shuddering.

"After making the arrest, we hunted you down sir! Requesting permission to find you pants sir!" the Jo-Adian yelled, hands firmly over his eyes.

"Permission granted. Think you can find some sort of wrapping for Darkmatter? I don't think we can maneuver his legs into actually pants."

"I'M ON IT BUZZ!" The thunder from the large guy's footsteps made Warp flinch as his headache throbbed in time.

Warp yawned again, lazily looking around. He was probably safe enough to fall unconscious. No way would Lightyear and his rookies do anything nefarious. Too heroic goody two shoes.

He lets his dropping eyes close and relaxed, falling away into darkness where the pain could not reach.

* * *

He awoke again, only this time, the pain was much less and that memorial smell of medbays was filling his nose. He could also feel his legs now and move them a bit which was a bright spot right there.

Warp stretched and shifted, testing to see how far his body could move before having to stop from agony. Well at least he could sit up even if there was no way in a black hole he was walking out of... oh hey he was at Star Command, how surprising. Not.

He was also missing his robotic arm and was covered in only a blanket. He'll have to find clothes and weapons before making his escape.

The door swished open and Commander Nebula stomped in, eyeballing Warp. Warp gave his most annoyingly cheesy grin and asked smarmingly, "How much time am I missing?"

His grin lowered into a smirk when the Commander glared at him for a long moment before admitting defeat and grudgingly answered, "About a day."

Warp clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, thinking rapidly. He had put his biological quirk in his files when he was still a member of Star Command, but did that mean Nebula knew or remembered it?

Ah, why not. No harm in asking.

"How soon till I know if Lightyear triggered a reaction or not?" he asked pointedly.

Ha! Nebula *did* remember! It was shocking and amazing that Star Command kept any secrets when their head honcho and spotlight member were so terribly easy to read.

"The LGMs say in about a week and a half. Any other question before you get locked away for the rest of your miserable space flea begotten life?"

Warp pursed his lips and tapped his index finger against them before snarking back, "Got any pants I can borrow?"

He grinned in triumph when Nebula groaned and rubbed his forehead.

"Yes, yes, fine," Nebula snapped, "I'll get you some clothes. Now tell me what you where doing on Tradeworld."

Warp shrugged, "I was picking up an arms shipment for Zurg when a can of goo dropped on me. My helmet was down so it hit the skin. Next thing I know, Lightyear tackles me and smashes us though some walls as the sex jell started jump kicking my sex drive into hyper over drive. Not much else to tell Nebula."

He kept his grin going full force as the Commander glowered. They then got to the business of Nebula attempting to get information about Zurg's latest evil plots out of Warp while Warp did his best to deflect, dodge, and weasel Star Command secrets out of Nebula.

This happened every time he got caught and the sheer normality of it made him feel better. Even with Nebula being oddly restrained. But hey, if Star Command's finest wanted to be an idiot, then Warp was going to shamelessly take advantage of it.

After half an hour of this, Commander Nebula left. Warp yawned widely, rubbing his eyes, tired again.

Craters. Idiot injuries. Zurg was going to be unhappy enough as it *was*. Which meant he needed to rest and heal as fast as possible.

Warp snapped to attention as the door opened and a re-suited guilty looking Buzz Lightyear marched in, falling into parade attention in front of Warp's bed.

He smirked and nodded in greeting. Before resting he needed to plan a way to escape. Good thing, a way had just dumped itself on his lap. Now all he had to do was convince Lightyear he owed Warp a clean getaway. Which... judging by how stiff Lightyear was holding himself wouldn't be so hard.

"So, Lightyear, heard you got yourself a girlfriend you sly dog. Tell me about her, will ya?"

At Lightyear immediate protest about not having a girlfriend, Warp grinned. This was going to be a snap.

* * *

Three days later, he was healed enough to make a break for it, which timed nicely with convincing Lightyear to help him escape. Lightyear had lent him a Space Ranger suit and had snuck him to an airlock. Not a moment too soon either, as Lightyear's constant stiff necked guilty depression was rubbing Warp's nerves raw.

Warp double checked his suit before saying, "Hey Buzz."

"Yes?" Lightyear asked quietly.

Warp leaned over and opened Buzz's helmet to smack him over the head, "Stop being so asteroid sucking stupid. I'm fine, you're fine, all's well and you don't owe me a thing now. You have no reason to be tearing yourself up like this, got it Lightyear?"

Buzz just met Warp's eyes, lips compressed, shaking his head in denial and that stupid ever present sorrow. Warp glared and growled in frustration. There was no point in winning the game if Lightyear was going to be like this.

"It isn't even like you raped me or anything so you have no reason to be feeling unhappy," Warp started ranting only to pause and gape at Lightyear.

Buzz had flinched, guilt and shame pouring off him like a wave. This was it, Lightyear's behavior had become too much for Warp and he lost his temper.

Warp's eyes narrowed in rage as he grabbed the edge of Lightyear's collar and shook viciously, hissing in anger, "Listen you *moron*, when two people get drunk off their moons and have sex is it rape?"

"No but-"

"But *nothing* Buzz. We *both* got hit by that sex jelly, so stop acting like you did something terrible already. The only way you could have done something bad was if you had sex with me with out getting hit and in case you somehow missed it, _you're not that type of person Buzz Lightyear!_ You knock off this 'I am a horrible person' routine before I loose my temper and start beating it out of you! Do you understand me?"

Buzz just silently stared wide eyed at Warp causing Warp to shake him again, repeating loudly, "I said _do you understand me_?"

Buzz nodded solemnly, the same old stubborn confidant drive filling his face again, "Understood loud and clear Darkmatter."

Warp grinned and let go, stepping back, "Seeya around then Lightyear."

"As enemies," Lightyear stated a bit wistfully.

"Well yeah. You're one of the good guys and I'm on the side of evil. How else would it be, you twit?" Warp teased still smiling.

Lightyear nodded, humming in thought as the space ranger turned and left, waving a hand goodbye over his shoulder.

Warp Darkmatter snickered and shook his head as he went though the airlock. Ten more days till he could find out if he was pregnant or not. Before that, he had too much on his plate to think any more of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

First order of business, getting back to Planet Z safely. After that, surviving Evil Emperor Zurg's wrath. That should take about two and a half weeks all told, so he would defiantly be able to use a pregnancy test by then.


	2. Simple Biological Quirks

**Part 2 of 10: Simple Biological Quirks**

The facts where simple.

Fact one, Warp Darkmatter had been born with an ultra rare but natural biological quirk. Like how some people where born color blind or albino only instead of not seeing colors or having no pigmentation, Warp could get pregnant. He couldn't give birth with out artificial aid, mind, but he could do the whole thousand craters job leading up to the actual ending.

Fact two, about three weeks ago Warp and Buzz Lightyear got doused with mindless sex jelly and had aggressive violent sex where Warp was the receiving partner.

Fact three, according to the pink bar of the last test Warp was pregnant. With Lightyear's child.

Fact four, Zurg was not going to be pleased.

Fact five, he was so screwed it wasn't even funny.

Warp dropped the pregnancy test among the others and rubbed his forehead sighing. Life changing choices gave him a headache.

He leaned back in his chair and steeped his fingers, brow furrowed in thought. His choices where simple.

First, he could get an abortion. Something about this option made Warp uneasy and unhappy. He wasn't sure *why* he didn't want to but whatever. Tabling it for last ditch emergency.

Warp could have the brat taken out and put in stasis. But that would be an easy trace on Warp, as well as a huge amounts of blackmail from the doctors available to him, in addition, the kid might be too young to survive the proceed. Even worse, the only doctors who would do it properly instead of using the metaphorical coat hook would tattle on Warp to Star Command. Not an option then.

But if he wasn't going to abort or flash-freeze , then he was faced with choosing between giving the brat away after the birth or keeping it to raise. Eh, he had almost nine months left to decide. Delay that decision for later.

In which place he was left with the dual problems of surviving the whole nine months as well as finding someone to operate and get the brat out of him when it was time.

Evil Emperor Zurg was going to be so very unhappy soon. Warp was going to have to ditch the evil gig and go and hide somewhere.

Not Tradeworld by any stretch of the imagination. Sure it looked like it would be easy to hide, but that was a blatant trap. Zurg had more then enough money and minions to find Warp there. No, his best place would probably be either Tangea, Rhizome, or one of the border planets. Rest of the places either Zurg would think to look, Star Command would find him, or he wouldn't be able to survive.

Rhizome was too peaceful to hand him over as long as he behaved, Tangea grounders tended to like Warp, and border planets might not even know who Warp *was*.

He wasn't sure he could find a job on the border planets, Rhizome would drive him space wacky in a week, so Tangea it was!

Right. Now to work on getting there. Some of it, he could do over time so Zurg didn't notice. He'd need a lot of money, so definably have to pawn off everything he could. Hmmm, keep the moon, but the asteroids had to go. He needed a place to live afterward after all.

That should give him a good profit. Five dummy accounts, plus some on person, should be enough back ups.

After that would be a tense series of moments. He would have to spend time on Tradeworld blast it. Warp needed some where to dump his arm and suit in case Zurg had a tracer on them. No way would he be able to keep his ship either.

Plus, where else would he be able to find someone willing to sell Warp Darkmatter, number 1 evil agent for Evil emperor Zurg, a cyborg arm, a suit, and a ship?

Well, the plan was more complicated then he liked, but he had made it as simple and hard to mess up as he could. Warp would just have to be on his guard.

He shivered and stood up, stretching. Time to get to work.

* * *

Warp was almost two months along when he finally stood in front of his new home for the next seven months, Capital Planet time. He'd had some close calls, mostly from puking every morning for the last week and being tired and sore all the time. But he'd succeeded and was now... in front of a carelessly made hut thing. Well. He had time to fix it up at least. The brat wasn't so far along that Warp couldn't fix up a wood hut. For crying out loud, Warp's stomach was still flat as a board.

He entered the two room house and sighed as he dumped his stuff on the table. Warp had been looking forward to relaxing, but it looked like he would have to set up warning traps first. As well as seeing how much work he would have to do to make the house better.

Did he even have a working restroom? Would his computer work here? Craters.

Having a brat was an annoying amount of work.

He looked down and poked his stomach through his clothing, "You better appreciate this bratling mine. For the matter, when are you gonna let me keep food down? I'm eating for two now you finky little bundle of cells."

The sudden yawn that made him shake his head in exhausted, convinced him otherwise. Warp could make traps and cleaning later. A nap was required first.


	3. Surviving Friend's Quirks

**3 of 10: Surviving Friend's Quirks **

Discovering Brainpod 57 had made his home base in the Grounder village Warp had moved to had caused Warp to have a minor panic attack. His pride was only salved by how much 57 had screamed and flailed as well. It ended up being one of those moments of terror and fright that after time passed, became an amusing story to tell cause of the over the top wailing everyone did.

In this case, the madcap blaster show down made it even more amusing to tell later. Warp had only two smallish blasters to use, Brainpod having nicked one. The Tangent Grounders deciding it was a fun game and joining in was a bit much.

Having what the Grounders called fou-fous join in was ridiculous. (Warp thought of fou-fous as omnivorous flying purple polka dotted bunny rabbits. That swarmed and attacked when they got roused with panic.)

Which was when Romac finally arrived back from his latest job and had to calm everyone down. Mostly involving 57 screaming at Warp and Warp roaring back and both of them discovering the other was *also* in hiding. At which point everyone stopped attacking each pother and turned to put out the multiple fires and calming down the swarming fou-fous.

After that hectic amount of work was done, Warp sat down with 57 and Romac and started lazering the solar waves.

"What I don't understand is why you ran," 57 said waving his drink around wildly, "I was under the impression you liked and and enjoyed everything about working for Zurg."

Warp took a swing of his (none alcoholic) bottle and wiped his mouth before replying, "I did. I mean I do! I'm just having a life changing crisis break thingy and fled cause Evil emperor would take it as a betrayal. I like being alive more then I do being rich."

"Life changing crisis? Anything I need to know about?" Romac asked blandly, a warning underlining his pleasant tone of voice.

Warp bared his teeth, recognizing the warning for what it was, "No worries, mister mercenary man. Nothing that will effect anyone except me."

Reassured that his home wasn't doomed, Romac nodded in reply and relaxed. After the drinks were finished, the rest of the day was spent making the scorched houses livable again. The next day was more of the same.

After repairs were done, Warp moved to remodeling his own hut to fit his needs better. 57 had geeked out over Warp's laptop folding computer, so Warp has shrugged and let the egg brain set it up.

Which meant setting up solar panels to gather electricity to power it in addition to the comp's batteries. Then it was time to make the plumbing better, then the bed, and everything just kept him busy for the next two months. Which made him really glad he had started wearing loose shirts when he moved as the baby bulge was getting fairly noticeable. Plus he didn't have nearly as much energy as he used to, and his feet hurt all the crater time. But no one had noticed his secret so that meant Warp had no worries other then day to day habitation until the day Romac invited his girlfriend to his home village to meet his parents.

Normally, he would have just made smart remarks but Lightyear's Princess rookie was the same person as Romac's girlfriend and whom Romac never stopped yammering about.

Which meant Mira Nova's first reaction to seeing Warp sitting on his porch eating was to shot at him.

Unfortunately for Warp she was wearing her ranger suit at the time while he was completely unarmed, having left all three phaser guns in his house, because he was tired and not thinking he would get attacked today.

Yeah stupid move on his part.

In the end his only option was to run around dodging while Romac did his best to get Princess to calm down. She refused to till after calling her team for backup.

By that point Warp was in full on panic, and hiding it from his enemies. His stomach was cramping and hurting and he _didn't know_ if something bad had happened to his bratling. He did his best not to show weakness in front of the ranger as he bent over near 57 and hissed, "I need a check up. Badly. The fight might have damaged something and I really need to know. Now."

57 glanced up at him and then down to where his arms where wrapped around his belly trying to calm down the sharp stabbing pains shooting though him.

The brainpod asked quietly, "What will I be looking for?"

He didn't want to revel the secret. He'd been handling it but Warp was between a comet and a sun. There was no one else who could be a doctor.

"Find out if anything negative is happening to the baby," Warp grudgingly admitted.

As Princess kept glaring at Warp ready to lunge at any sign of danger and as Lightyear and Lightyear's other two rookies flew down from the sky Brainpod 57's eyes bulged in shock and he screamed in surprise, "The WHAT?"

* * *

It was later. Warp was laying on his back in Star Cruiser 42's medbay, wearing only his underpants. His stomach was no longer hurting and Team Lightyear was standing around with various expression of stupefied blank shock. 57 was rambling endlessly, utterly fascinated by Warp's unusual biological ability. Romac had had to leave after being told as he had been laughing to hard to breath.

Warp was going to get that guy later. Ooooh yeees.

Plus side, other then being too stressed and working too hard, nothing was wrong with the bratling. Warp just had to rest for about a week and just relax. Which, hey, lets be honest. He loved not having to work.

What he didn't like was Lightyear figuring it out. Yeah, Lightyear was assumed to be mostly brawn by idiots, but he wasn't at all. Naive, overly trusting, and uncompromising, yes. Dim, no.

"XR, help 57 with his data, Booster, go see if the Grounders need help fixing building, Mira have fun on your date."

The rookies all chorused 'Buzz' while Lightyear just shook his head firmly and held up a hand, " I need to talk with Darkmatter privately and he is in no condition to be causing any trouble. Trust me."

The robot and Jo-Adian left, the robot dragging 57 and giving Warp a far too knowing expression, the Jo-Adian looking like a kicked puppy. Princess glared at Lightyear for a long moment before rolling her eyes in frustration and following. Not with out giving Warp the evil eye which he returned with a smile.

Heh. He loved pissing off Rangers. It was so *easy* to do.

Warp threaded his hands behind his head and raised an eyebrow at Lightyear, "So what are you-"

"I'm the other father."

It wasn't a question. Warp wanted Lightyear's statement to be a question because then he could have lied. But it wasn't.

Well. Four months was a good amount of time to succeed in hiding from both sides of the Galactic Battle Of Good and Evil and blah blah blah.

"Yes you are," Warp challenged, "What are you gonna do about it Lightyear?"

Lightyear turned a happy sparkling smile on Warp as he said, "Give you a foot massage."

Pause.

"What." Warp said flatly.

Buzz sat down on the edge of the table and grabbed hold of Warp's feet, putting them on his lap, "Giving you a foot massage. You've been on them heavier then usual so they're aching. Correct?"

"Yeeees," Warp said slowly eyeballing Lightyear warily. Where was the catch to this? There had to be one. There was no reason for Lightyear to be this okay instead of reacting badly loudly and at length.

"Well then," Lightyear said as he took off his gloves, "There you go."

Warp sat up slightly, leaning on his hands to frown at Lightyear, "I'm not seeing what you get out of- um. Er."

Buzz lightly running his knuckle down Warp's foot should not feel that tingly. Nice. Nicely tingly. Um.

Then Buzz started actually massaging and Warp lost his ship of thought completely. He groaned and fell back against the bed, eyes rolling into his head.

Buzz had really nice hands, running along Warp's tendons and lower leg and oh craaaaters. Tension was unwinding away in his feet and calves, pleasure flowing in to replace it. Warp was left moaning and whining in appreciation, hands fisting the sheet was Buzz's magic fingers dug in and undid the knots in Warp's leg.

It felt so *good*.

But then, horribly, it ended with out warning after only *one* foot getting massaged.

He opened his eyes and wailed, "Why'd ya stop?"

Oh hey. The rookies, brainpod, and Romac were back and staring at them.

The tin toy said awed, "Buzz you have got to teach me that! That has got to be the greatest seduction technique I've seen."

"Eah um. We'll just. Sorta be going now. Right now. Yes," Princess stammered, face almost black from the force of her blush as she shoved Romac away and dragged the robot with her.

"Have fun Darkmatter," Romac drawled smirking. Warp flipped him off in reply causing him to start laughing again.

Lightyear, face bright red from a fascinating mix of lust and embarrassment cleared his throat and asked, "Booster?"

The big guy slowly fell over in a dead faint. Warp lost it, arms wrapped around his expanding belly as he laughed and laughed and laughed.

His gales of laughter had a tinge of hysteria under lining it but it lessened as he kept going.

Was understandable anyway. He'd had just gone though a *really* stressful four months. Everything was looking up though. Now to just convince Lightyear not to tell anyone so the info wouldn't get back to Zurg.

"Hey Lightyear. If you wanted to sleep with me you could have just asked. Didn't need to be sneaky about it. Though I admit, you are good at giving massages," Warp gasped out, out of breath from laughing.

The glare of promised doom was worth it.


End file.
